Hello, My Name is Megan Jane and I Suffer From OCD. No, my DVD’s are not alphabetized and I don’t turn my door knob three times. I am referring to “Obsessive Comparison Disorder“, which is becoming an epidemic across my social-media crazed generation. Previous generations have suffered from milder versions of this condition, with symptoms spiking during high school reunions and large family gatherings. In 2014, through Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, SnapChat – and whichever new platform came out while I wrote this blog – we are subjected to a daily battery of everyone else’s happy moments. I have listed some of the usual online announcements that cause an acute flare up of my OCD symptoms.
The Vacation Post – There is nothing like seeing everyone’s else’s beach pictures from my desk chair at work. Oh, you get 4 weeks paid vacation? That’s lovely. Your rich boyfriend surprised you with first class tickets to Italy? Fantastic. Family vacay to Maui, gratuit pour vous? Bite me. As much as I try to remain happy and positive about the travel adventures of others, I have to come clean about my extreme jet-set-envy. As winter settles in, I have to mentally prepare myself for the Miami/Mexico/DR/Bahamas photos. Don’t mind me while I aggressively apply my Jergens Natural Glow and stock up on margarita mix…
The OMG I’m Engaged Post – Of course I am happy when a friend, or even a Facebook acquaintance, announces their plans to wed. But, as delighted as I am for their impending marital bliss, I can’t help but be reminded of my ring-less left hand. It doesn’t matter if I was secure in my marital status 5 minutes ago, the onslaught of adorable proposal pictures is enough to make me second guess my life choices. This type of post is inevitably followed by a marriage countdown page, a bridal shower album, a collection of photos with penis straws, and then finally, six facebook albums of wedding photos. Yep.
The Ultrasound/We’re Pregnant! Post – Ah, babies. They are popping up everywhere on the news feed. It seems like almost a monthly occurrence. Not that I am – by any means – ready to procreate, but seeing my friends actually having babies on purpose does lead to a similar life analysis as the engagement posts. Why am I not there yet? I am still trying to effectively support myself, how could I do that for another human? All of these social announcements are – of course – followed by an obscene amount of baby pictures. Which are frustratingly cute.
The New Job/New Car/New Home/New Anything Post – The title should probably be a self-sufficient explanation of my loathing of these posts. I understand the excitement of new things. (If I ever buy a new car, I will Instagram that baby 14 times.) But naturally, seeing everyone else’s new toys makes me feel inadequate. Where do people get the money for these things? Why don’t I have that money? I know I sound bitter, and truly I am blessed for what I have in my life. But, there are two kinds of people in this world: those who become slightly envious of their friend’s new 4 bed/ 3 bath home and BMW X5 – and liars.
There really is no cure for this Obsessive Comparison Disorder. People will always, given the opportunity, tell the world about the positive things in their life. And I do prefer this type of social posting, over the Negative Nancy’s that beg for attention over their first world problems. Perhaps all of us OCD sufferers need to get a life. Shift the focus to our own accomplishments. I suppose I could always cancel my Facebook and Instagram accounts… Ha. Doubtful.